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(Lois walks in on Stewie torturing a bully)
Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Stewie: Uh, there's a half-dead-fat-man eating a dead-fat-man...am I the only one who realized? Oh, okay...
Stewie: Now, I'm going to do something I like to call the 'Compliment Sandwhich" Where I say something good, talk about where you need improvement, and then end with something good.
Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint--it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.
Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.
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