Brian Quotes (9 - 16 out of 104)

Not since the likes of Mr. Ed has there been a more loveable talking animal than Brian. Brian is your typical talking dog in that he's man's best friend, but he's also always seen with a martini, and is always stuck on dates with stupid human women.

Brian (at the Quahog county trailer park): You're really going to take back donated presents on Christmas Eve?
Peter: Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air contitioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the floor, so you'll have to compress your body to the size of an ordinary household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 210 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 1016 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter- Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!
Brian (after Peter falls down and starts screaming): I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 353 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Aww man! I hate Trivial Pursuit, it always makes me feel so stupid.
Brian: More stupid then that time you locked your keys out of the car?
(Cut to Peter inside the car with his keys lying outside his car door.)
Peter: Damn it! Hey! Hey! Somebody! Hey! Sir! Sir! Sir! You see those keys there? Sir! Si-! (man walks away) Screw you! (Sticks a bent straight hanger out of his window and trys to catch the keys on the hanger. The keys fall.) Oh waahhaahaaa!
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 303 votes) - Vote Now!

Brian: And remember that time you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?
(Scene cuts to Peter in the movie theater and everyone is crying, except him.)
Peter: I got it! Thats the guy from "Big," uh--Tom Hanks! Funny guy Tom Hanks, everything he says is a stitch.
Tom Hanks' Character: I have aids.
(Peter laughs hysterically.)
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 213 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle.
Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!
Brian: What the hell are you talking about?
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 499 votes) - Vote Now!

Brian: Hey, do you hear that?
Peter: What?
Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming.
Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say?
Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming.
Peter: Trouble at the old mill?
Brian: What are you insane?
Peter: Somebody fall through the ice?
Brian: It's summer.
Peter: Bobcat?
Brian: RURURURURURU!!!
Peter: Loretta's in trouble?! Come on boy!
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 302 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: So did your therapist figure out what the problem was?
Brian: Yeah. He thinks I'm in love.
Peter: Oh my God...you can talk!
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 312 votes) - Vote Now!