Brian Quotes (25 - 32 out of 104)

Not since the likes of Mr. Ed has there been a more loveable talking animal than Brian. Brian is your typical talking dog in that he's man's best friend, but he's also always seen with a martini, and is always stuck on dates with stupid human women.

Brian: Yes uh, well, Mr. Tucker it seems your son Jake had some vodka at the school dance and uh, Chris got blamed for it. This whole situation has just turned his whole life upside down faced.
Stewie: (Shocked, he widens his eyes and slowly turns head towards Brian--Tom Tucker's son has an upside down face.)
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 (Over 288 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: I'll give you $40 for that coffin.
Store Owner: Sir, this casket is $1,000.
Peter: I'll give you $2,000.
Store Owner: Sir, that's double what it costs.
Peter: $60.
Brian (to the store owner): He doesn't know how to haggle.
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Lois: Where would he go?
Peter: I don't know. I just asked him to buy me some peanuts and Crackerjacks.
Brian: I don't care if he ever gets back. I wasn't being cute, I really hope he's dead.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 (Over 423 votes) - Vote Now!

The Fellas At The Freakin' FCC Song
Peter: They will clean up all your talking in a matter such as this
Brian: They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a p*ss
Stewie: And they’ll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss
Peter, Brian, & Stewie: It’s the plain situation!
There's no negiotiation!
Peter: With the fellows at the freakin FCC!

Brian: They’re as stuffy as the stuffiest of the special interest groups…
Peter: Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops
Stewie: Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops!
Peter, Brian, & Stewie: Take a tip, take a lesson!
You’ll never win by messin’
Peter: With the fellas at the freakin’ FCC

And if you find yourself with some you sexy thing
You’re gonna have to do her with your ding-a-ling
Cause you can’t say penis!

So they sent this little warning they’re prepared to do the worst
Brian: And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be co-erced
Stewie: I can think of quite another place they should have stuck it first!

Peter, Brian, & Stewie: They may just be neurotic
Or possible psychotic
They’re the fellas at the freakin FCC!
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Brian (talking to Meg): How about a lot less talk and a lot more, SHUT THE HELL UP?!
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(Peter and Brian are setting up a crib for the expected baby.)
Brian: Insert Rod A into Rod Support B.
Peter: That's what she--
Brian: If you say that's what she said one more time I'm gonna pop you.
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 128 votes) - Vote Now!

Brian: Peter, are you sure? You've never had much luck telling jokes.
(Flash back to Peter in a net surrounded by apes with guns.)
Peter: Okay, Okay. How many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw faeces at each other. Hehehehehehe.
(Apes cock shotguns.)
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 555 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman.
Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation. For example, 'It's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having.' Now you try.
Peter: 'It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.' How's that?
Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again.
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 156 votes) - Vote Now!