Cleveland Quotes (1 - 8 out of 26)

Peter's black neighbor is always there to be boring and talk slowly and boringly.

Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
Quote Rating: 9.5 outta 10 (Over 2278 votes) - Vote Now!

Police Officer: Hey. That's Against the law. You're coming with me.
Peter: (singing to the tune of U Can't Touch this) Ah ah ah ah. Can't Touch Me/ Can't Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I've got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can't sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat/ Can't touch me/ Can't touch me/
Adam West: What in God's name is he doing?
Peter: Can't touch me.
Cleveland: I believe that's the worm.
Peter: (still singing) Can't touch me/ STOP, Peter time/ I'm a big shot, there's no doubt/ light a fire then pee it out/ Don't like it, kiss my rump/ Just for a minute, let's all do the bump/ Can't touch me/ Yeah, do the Peter Griffin Bump/ Can't touch me/ I'm Presidential Peter/ Interns think I'm hot/ Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot/ I've been around the world/ from Hartford to Back Bay/ It's Peter, Go Peter, I'm so Peter, Yo Peter, Let's see Regis rap this way/ Can't touch me.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 529 votes) - Vote Now!

Cleveland: Quagmire slept with Loretta?
Lois: Oh my God, Cleveland! I am so sorry! I can only imagine what your going through right now.
Cleveland: Its okay.
Brian: It's ok? It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend?
Cleveland: Better that it's Quagmire than someone who she could get a disease from.
Lois: Cleveland, don't you see this is why your wife left you. You don't have enough passion. Sometimes a woman wants to see a man be a man. You gotta push back a little. (Lois starts shaking.) You gotta get a little rough. OH GOD!!!!!! (Pulls down pants and lois bends over.) Peter HIT ME!
Brian: YEEAHH! (Slaps Lois' butt.)
(Awkward silence.)
Brian: So...yeah...
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 97 votes) - Vote Now!

Cleveland: All he needs is another lemon snow cone.
Peter: No thanks, that yellow snow cone you gave me didn't taste like lemon, it tasted more like...oh you guys are asses!
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 353 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter (watching Cricket on British TV): What the hell is he talking about?
Englishman: Oh, it's Cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball toward the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course.
Peter: Anybody get that?
Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette."
Peter: Well, someone tell this "cigarette" to shut up.
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 556 votes) - Vote Now!

(Peter looks around and sees the KKK following him and Cleveland.)
Peter: Holy crap! Do you you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid so!
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 173 votes) - Vote Now!

Cleveland: I hate Bewitched!
(flips couch while Stewie is on it)
Stewie: Hey...so that's a pretty reasonable reaction huh?
Quote Rating: 8.8 outta 10 (Over 172 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Cleveland, sit down. I wanna sing a little song that, uh kept me goin' when I had troubles.
(Peter starts playing The B-52s- "Rock Lobster" on an acoustic guitar.)
Peter: We were at the beach.
Everyone had, matching towels!
Somebody went under a dock, and there they saw, a rock!
But it wasn't a rock, it was a Rock Lobster.
(bridge)
Rock Lobster
(in a falsetto)
ROCK LOBSTER!
Quote Rating: 8.8 outta 10 (Over 172 votes) - Vote Now!