Lois Griffin Quotes (41 - 48 out of 117)
Lois is hot even though she has a sandwich for a nose. She comes from a rich family and married Peter for his free spirit and not his studly good looks as often rumored. Lois can whoop ass when needed and loves her family. Way cooler than Marge.
(Lois comes in through door)
Lois: Hi, Boys.
Peter: I didn' have my hand down my pants!
Lois: Hmm...Good for you. I just bought use some new sheets at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Peter: Oh boy, I hope you stayed away from that "beyond" section.
(Cuts to scene where Peter is pushing a shopping cart into a door labeled "BEYOND."
Peter: (Swirling through vortex) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh-- Oh, here are the coffee mugs...
Quote Rating:
8.8 outta 10 (Over 257 votes)
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Lois: Chris, we know what you did.
Chris: You mean that I lied about my age to get into an Indian casino?
Lois: No.
Chris: You mean about the time I had hard gas and pooed myself?
Peter: Close, but no.
Stewie: How is that close?
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 147 votes)
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Death (takes a sip from mug and spits it out): Geeze, what did you make this hot cocoa with, crap?
Lois (sighs): Well if you want me to make it again...
Death: No, no. I'm sorry, It's just that I assumed that you were going to make it with milk, not crap.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 224 votes)
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Lois: I'm upset because you never listen to me. This is Atlantic City all over again.
[Lois and Peter at Blackjack table]
Dealer: You've got 20!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter, don't.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: 21!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: That's 30
Peter: Hit me.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 537 votes)
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Lois (to counselor): This is the first act of violence Stewie has ever done.
Stewie: Well actually, the first act of violence was the time bomb I left ticking in your uterus before I came out. Happy 50th birthday Lois!
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 288 votes)
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Lois: It's geat they picked your theme, but isn't it a little esoteric?
Peter: Esoteric?
(Zoom in to the guys in Peter's brain)
Guy1: Could it mean sexy?
Guy2: I think it's a science term.
Guy3: Fellas, fellas! Esoteric means delicious!
(back to the real world)
Peter: Lois, "Who's the Boss" is not a food.
Brian: Swing and a miss.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 108 votes)
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Lois: Peter, wake up! Our son is covered in fleas!
Peter: That's nothing! When I was a kid, I was covered in ticks!
Lois: This isn't a competition!
Peter: It was back then. (Glances over at trophy, "Most Ticks 1965.")
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 191 votes)
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Meg: I don't get it, mom, if you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?
Lois: I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?
Chris: A bitch.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 261 votes)
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