Lois Griffin Quotes (57 - 64 out of 117)

Lois is hot even though she has a sandwich for a nose. She comes from a rich family and married Peter for his free spirit and not his studly good looks as often rumored. Lois can whoop ass when needed and loves her family. Way cooler than Marge.

Lois: Oh my God, my baby's drunk!
Peter: No I'm not! Oh--him. Yeah, he's a real lightweight.
Stewie: I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Everybody! I'm drunk and I wanna go to bed. Just the women!
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 173 votes) - Vote Now!

Meg: I miss Uncle Patrick.
Lois: Don’t worry kids I promise we can visit him once a month
Chris: We’ll be his period.
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 353 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Lois, I cant find my favorite pair of underwear.
Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots?
Peter: No, I'm looking for the pair from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend God so I let it rip in the vestibule after service.
Lois: Top drawer.
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 407 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: What the hell do you think you're doing!?
Lois: Strapping you in, honey, so you don't get hurt.
Stewie: "So I don't get hurt;" that's the best you can come up with, you dull-witted termagant?
Lois: I brought your Raffi tape!
Stewie: Play "Wheels on the Bus" and get the hell out of my sight.
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 69 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: Oh, look, Meg, it's your little baby booties. Oh, and your little bronze hat. And your tail.
Meg: My what?
Lois: Nothing.
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 294 votes) - Vote Now!

Chris: Can I go now? Stewie's gonna help me with my math homework.
Lois: Chris...he can't help you with your homework, he's just a baby!
Stewie: And I guess you're a Rhodes Scholar yourself. Where did you graduate from again, the University of DUH?!?!?
Max Weinstein:I'll help you with your homework son.
Peter: My God!!! Is there nothing you people can't do, except you know... manual labor???
Lois: What a horrible thing to say! They built the pyramids!
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 121 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter Griffin: We all know that no women anywhere wants to have sex with anyone and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is just bogus.
Lois Griffin: Ah, he is so right on. Women are such teases. That's why I went back to men.
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 77 votes) - Vote Now!

(Guy walks up to Peter and kicks him in the nuts.)
Peter screams.
Lois: Oh, my god! What are you doing?
(Peter is still screaming.)
Lois: What's wrong with you?
Peter: What the hell, man?
Guy: Hurts, doesn't it?
Peter: What the hell do...? Yes! What the hell's your problem?
Guy (laughs): My friend, my friend...
Peter: Ow! Ow! What?!
Guy (pointing at camera): You've been kicked in the nuts!
Peter: No way!
Guy (laughs): You're gonna be on TV.
Peter (shaking guy's hand): Oh, sweet!
Lois: Oh wow!
Peter: Oh, my god!
Lois: We love that show!
Peter (waving at camera): Oh, that is awesome! Hey, hi.
Guy: You're on it!
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 113 votes) - Vote Now!