Lois Griffin Quotes (65 - 72 out of 117)

Lois is hot even though she has a sandwich for a nose. She comes from a rich family and married Peter for his free spirit and not his studly good looks as often rumored. Lois can whoop ass when needed and loves her family. Way cooler than Marge.

Peter: Our children are our greatest treasure. They deserve a school board president who doesn't leave her feminine ointments in the fridge next to the mustard. That was the worst sandwich I ever ate! She flosses in bed. She snores like a wildebeast. She freed Willie Horton. She nailed Donna Rice.
Lois: Peter, that's enough!
Peter: Eats babies.
(crowd applauds)
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 129 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois (falls out of limo, with booze drunk): La La La La, Family Guy. Heeeeeeeeeey everybody!
Peter: I'm sorry, I am so sorry! There was booze in the car. I'm sorry.
Lois: WOOOOOOOO.
Peter: Lois, for Christ Sake, take it easy.
Lois: When I heard, when I heard we were gonna be in a movie I was like, "fuck yeah!"
Peter: Alright, alright, okay. Let's just try and walk straight here. Lois get up. C'mon.
Lois: Get on.
Peter: I am not gonna get on, Lois. Lois you get up.
Lois: Peter, get on.
Peter: Son of a bitch. I, I am really sorry everybody.
Lois throws up.
Peter: Oh, God! Uhhhhh. Okay you know what? Let's get inside. (Put Lois on his back) C'mon.
(Lois head hits a trash can): Ow!
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 80 votes) - Vote Now!

(Stewie is eating dirt)
Stewie: I say Rupert, these crumpets you've prepared are positively devine! Mmm, excellent texture, provocative suppore, try another you say? Well, aren't I the wicked one?!
Lois: Stewie, don't eat dirt, it's disgusting.
Stewie: Oh and I suppose those billious curds you force fed me from your teet were perfectly fine then!
Quote Rating: 8.2 outta 10 (Over 67 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: Have you been drinking?
Peter: Why, yes, I have. Thank you.
Quote Rating: 8.2 outta 10 (Over 315 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: Oh, what about this, Meg? A pink baby-tee that says "Little Slut." That seems pretty hip.
Meg: I don't know if that's really me, Mom.
Lois: Well, they've got one that says "Porn Star" and another that says "Sperm Dumpster." And they're all written in glitter.
Meg: All right, all right. Give me "Sperm Dumpster."
Lois: That's the spirit!
Quote Rating: 8.2 outta 10 (Over 322 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois (looking at a used car Peter wants): Peter, this car has dents in it, and it's got a cardboard steering wheel.
Peter: Just a second honey.
Lois: And look, there's no engine! It just has a drawing of an engine!
Car salesman: But it only had one previous owner....James Bond!
Peter: I'll take it!
Quote Rating: 8.2 outta 10 (Over 146 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: (Noticing Chris' pimple): Oh my God! Look at the size of that pimple, you're like a circus freak! (Laughs.) Aw, I'm just kidding, it means you're becoming a man, sweetie.
Peter: Yeah, I remember when I first became a man.
Doctor: The operation was a success. What are you going to go by now?
(Peter looks under his hospital gown)
Peter: Peter...
Quote Rating: 8.1 outta 10 (Over 346 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: Hey I know, lets play a game. Now I'm thinking of a movie.
Meg: Is it an action movie?
Chris: Who's in the movie?
Peter: Wait, is it a good movie?
Lois: Eh, it has its moments.
Peter: Cool Runnings
Lois: Yep!
Quote Rating: 8.1 outta 10 (Over 95 votes) - Vote Now!