Peter Griffin Quotes (81 - 88 out of 362)

Peter is the head of the Griffin family household. He is one of the most typical males imaginable. He's fat, loves Pawtucket Beer, and is always there for some good physical comedy. Peter used to work at a toy factory and now we're just not sure what he does...

Peter: You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool ... I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her ... smoking!
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Peter: What the hell did you do?
Brian: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at risk.
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Lois: Peter, why would they make you president?
Peter: Maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second - RARF!
Lois: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
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Peter: Hey, What's His Name?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. No Seriously What Is It?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, What's Your Wife's Name? Vagina Coastguard?
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(Peter recalling the vaccuum cleaning guy)
Vaccuum guy: We fixed your vaccuum cleaner. It seems the problem was a half-eaten meatball lodged in the vaccuum intake.
Peter: Well did you keep it?
Vaccuum guy (with a puzzled look on his face): Uh...no
Peter: You bastard!
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Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible.
Peter: Umm ... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.
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Peter: What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put 'em in a tub and clean myself with them? That's what soap is for, Lois.
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Peter: Gays don't vommit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France.
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