Peter Griffin Quotes (89 - 96 out of 362)
Peter is the head of the Griffin family household. He is one of the most typical males imaginable. He's fat, loves Pawtucket Beer, and is always there for some good physical comedy. Peter used to work at a toy factory and now we're just not sure what he does...
Mr. Pewterschmidt: Oh my God, he's violating Seabreeze!
Peter: No,no he's just awkwardly positioning himself... oh now he's violating Seabreeze.
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Peter: I'll give you $40 for that coffin.
Store Owner: Sir, this casket is $1,000.
Peter: I'll give you $2,000.
Store Owner: Sir, that's double what it costs.
Peter: $60.
Brian (to the store owner): He doesn't know how to haggle.
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Peter (to New Yorker): Excuse me sir, I believe you're in my seat and I had sex with your mother.
Man: What'd you say?!
Peter: What--about the seat or me plowin' your father's wife?
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Peter (after coming home drunk): Oh, Lois thank God it's you! The last few houses I went to were very rude.
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Peter-YO LOIS!
Lois-WHAT?
Peter- I'm packing for Kiss-stock and I can't find my favorite underwear.
Lois-You mean the pair with the rip in the right butt check from when you stepped on them pulling them up in that airplane bathroom from when you had the trotts?
Peter-No, no the pair with the whole in the left butt check from when I held it in for two hours cuz it was an extra long Palm Sunday church sermon and I thought that blowing gas would offend jesus so I let it go in the vestabule after mass and it sounded like Louie Armstrong.
Lois-Oh! Bottom drawer.
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Peter: Make like Siamese twins and split ... and then one of you die.
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Congressman: There is no just cause for an invasion of Iraq.
Peter: Well that may be, but what were all forgetting is anyone that doesn't want to go to war is gay.
Congressman:I want to go to war.
Congressman:I want to go to war.
All of Congress:I want to go to war.
Dick Cheney:I was the first one who wanted to go to war.
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The Fellas At The Freakin' FCC Song
Peter: They will clean up all your talking in a matter such as this
Brian: They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a p*ss
Stewie: And they’ll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss
Peter, Brian, & Stewie: It’s the plain situation!
There's no negiotiation!
Peter: With the fellows at the freakin FCC!
Brian: They’re as stuffy as the stuffiest of the special interest groups…
Peter: Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops
Stewie: Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops!
Peter, Brian, & Stewie: Take a tip, take a lesson!
You’ll never win by messin’
Peter: With the fellas at the freakin’ FCC
And if you find yourself with some you sexy thing
You’re gonna have to do her with your ding-a-ling
Cause you can’t say penis!
So they sent this little warning they’re prepared to do the worst
Brian: And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be co-erced
Stewie: I can think of quite another place they should have stuck it first!
Peter, Brian, & Stewie: They may just be neurotic
Or possible psychotic
They’re the fellas at the freakin FCC!
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