Peter Griffin Quotes (105 - 112 out of 362)

Peter is the head of the Griffin family household. He is one of the most typical males imaginable. He's fat, loves Pawtucket Beer, and is always there for some good physical comedy. Peter used to work at a toy factory and now we're just not sure what he does...

Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors?
Mort: Peter, are you eating those?
Peter: No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em!
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(Peter and Brian are setting up a crib for the expected baby.)
Brian: Insert Rod A into Rod Support B.
Peter: That's what she--
Brian: If you say that's what she said one more time I'm gonna pop you.
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Peter: Holy crip, he's a crapple!
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Peter: I had such a crush on her. Until I met you Lois. You're my silver medal.
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Brian: Peter, are you sure? You've never had much luck telling jokes.
(Flash back to Peter in a net surrounded by apes with guns.)
Peter: Okay, Okay. How many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw faeces at each other. Hehehehehehe.
(Apes cock shotguns.)
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Peter (leaving a message for Mr. Weed): Mr. Weed? This Peter Griffin. I will not be coming to work today, I was in a terrible plane crash. My entire family was killed and I am a vegetable.
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Peter: And Joe, I've had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
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Peter:..Hello Sally, h-hey its Peter Griffen. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah it's been a while..so listen, um, I just found out that Im retarted and um, I'm just calling to let you know that uh, you might want to get yourself tested.
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