Peter Griffin Quotes (25 - 32 out of 362)

Peter is the head of the Griffin family household. He is one of the most typical males imaginable. He's fat, loves Pawtucket Beer, and is always there for some good physical comedy. Peter used to work at a toy factory and now we're just not sure what he does...

Peter: (Walks out of the bathroom and wanders into another room. He walks into the room and walks behind the bed. We find out that this is Chris' room.) Hey, you still awake, Lois honey? (Peter lays down into Chris' bed.)
Chris: Dad?
Peter: That's right, I'm your daddy. Shh, Shh, Shh, Shh. Don't talk, Lois, don't talk. Just let me do all the work. Yeah...now feel my warm breath on the nape of your neck. My hands on your big soft boobs...running down your big man-like chest. (Peter jumps up.) Holy crap, It's Chris!! Uhh...Uhh...So, uhh...How ya doin'? You do all your homework?
Chris: (nods his head.)
Peter: Finish all your subjects?
Chris: Yes, sir.
Peter: Good, just uhh, just checkin'. (Backs towards the door.) Have a good night son. (Walks down the hall.)
Peter: You still awake honey?
Stewie: What the deuce?
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 611 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lois, this isn't my Batman glass.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 460 votes) - Vote Now!

Pat Sajak: Alright Peter, you’ve made it to the bonus round. Congratulations!
Peter: Thanks Regis.
Pat Sajak: Okay, the category is actor and show, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uhh, ok… Uhhmmm… Z, four, Q (slight pause), another Q, uhhh… a third Q and the batman symbol.
Pat Sajak: OK no help there, umm… 15 seconds if you want to take a shot at it, talk it out.
Peter: Is it Alex Karras in Webster?
Pat Sajak: (slowly) I don’t believe it.
Peter: Oh my god, I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!!
Pat Sajak: OK you have thirteen hundred dollars, why don’t you go ahead and pick out some prizes from our showcase?
Peter (floating through room of prizes): Okay let's see, uhh… oh boy everything looks nice, uhmm… alright I'll take the ceramic dalmatian for six hundred, and uhh… boy that TV looks nice, uhmm.. uhh.. gimme the one free week of maid service, and uhh… I'll take the hat rack, uhhmm… hey how much for that fat guy in the circle, I don’t see a price tag on that.
Announcer voice: That’s you.
Peter: Oh, oh, embarrassing, uhm.. okay well in that case I'll take the rest on a gift certificate.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 171 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh no Peter! How could they do that?
Peter: Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, And Greg The Bunny....
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 652 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.
Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay?
Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 336 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 651 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: I know something about stupid phone calls
(phone rings in house)
Lois: Hello?
Peter: I cant take the trash out today im working late at the office.
Peter: The called ID says your calling from the kitchen. In fact I can see you.
Peter: Can you see me now?
Lois: No.
Peter: Now I am at the office.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 307 votes) - Vote Now!

Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 922 votes) - Vote Now!