Stewie Griffin Quotes (25 - 32 out of 182)

How many talking babies do you know bent on world domination and matricide? We'd rather only know one, Stewie Griffin. From week to week he's always try to kill Lois, fighting with Brian, and deal with his farily newfound homosexuality.

Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie Griffin: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 521 votes) - Vote Now!

Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 381 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 363 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie (talking on Sesame Street phone): Put me through to the Pentagon!
Ernie: Do you know what sound a cow makes?
Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie! I've already dispacted Mr. Hooper, I've got 6 armed men stationed out side Big Bird's nest, and well as for Linda, well, its rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assasin approach now, isn't it?!
Ernie: Can you count to three?
Stewie: Oh indeed I can! (Pulls out a raygun.) One! Two! Three! Can I count to three for God's sake?! I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level!
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 157 votes) - Vote Now!

Quagmire (with a trashy girl on his arm): Hang around little guy, I'll be back later (he winks).
Stewie: Oh very well. I suppose I'll go and pump the chemical toilet. (Eyes the trashy girl.) apparently, you're about to do the same.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 77 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois Griffin: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water, it's not gonna bite.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you!
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 131 votes) - Vote Now!

(Stewie covering up the dead body of Mr. Lockhart by hiding in his blood-covered suit as a police officer drives up.)
Officer: Everything alright here?
Stewie: Oh fine officer, just enjoying the sunset. No law against that, is there?
Officer: What happened to your shirt?
Stewie: Oh you know, just a pizza party at the office.
Officer: Oh yeah, where do you work?
Stewie: First Fidelity Insurance over on Weybossett Street.
Officer: Oh my cousin Arnie works over there.
Stewie: Oh Arnie's your cousin is he?
Officer: You know him?
Stewie: Oh somewhat, good middle management type. Just sort of blends in with the furniture, though, never really wowed anyone at the office.
Officer: Yeah, that's always been Arnie's problem. Well, take it easy.
Stewie: Yes yes, you too. Oh and if you see Arnie, tell him 'boogity boogity boo.' He'll know what it means.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 303 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: You know what else is disgusting? (He farts and his right eye turns red.) Oh damn, I broke a blood vessel.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 487 votes) - Vote Now!