Brian the Bachelor Quotes (1 - 8 out of 10)

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 3665 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie (his voice getting progressively higher): Oh I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side: you have some new material for that novel you've been writing. You know...the novel you've been workin' on? You know the the one, uh, you've been workin on for three years? You know the novel. Got somethin' new to write about now. You know? Maybe a, maybe a main character gets into a relationship and suffers a little heartbreak? Somethin' like what... what you've just been through? Draw from real life experience? Little, little heartbreak? You know? Work it into the story? Make the characters a little more three dimensional? Little, uh, richer experience for the reader? Make those second hundred pages really keep the reader guessing what's going to happen? Some twists and turns? A little epilogue? Everybody learns that the hero's journey isn't always a happy one? (Voice returns to normal.) Oh, I look forward to reading it.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 800 votes) - Vote Now!

Brooke: Quagmire, will you accept this rose?
Quagmire: Really? After I drugged you and had sex with your unconscious body?
Brooke: What?
Quagmire: Yes.
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 468 votes) - Vote Now!

Chris: I don't want to get rid of my pimple, I like him. He's my friend. His name is Doug.
Brian: I just wish I didn't have to look at it.
Chris: Well, we have to look at your ANUS all day!
Stewie:Thank you!
Quote Rating: 8.7 outta 10 (Over 457 votes) - Vote Now!

Chris: Doctor, I need you to get rid of this zit!
Doug (Chris's Zit): You traitor!
Doctor: Whoa, that's a doosie! I bet some of those awful kids at school call you Zit Face?
Chris: No
Doctor: Papa Zit?
Chris: No
Doctor: Pus Peak?
Chris: No
Doctor: Fat ass?
Chris: Well..yeah..
Doctor: TSk, tsk..oh, that's terrible!
Quote Rating: 8.5 outta 10 (Over 269 votes) - Vote Now!

Brian returns home with the bachelorette.
Peter: Brian! Welcome home you son-of-a-bitch! So did you lose? Oh, you gotta tell me all about it. Hey, how was bachelorette? Was she a dumb bimbo like you said? But with a big rack?! Ha-ha-ha! C'mon in, you gotta tell me everything! I bet your stories make me laugh so hard I shoot milk outta my nose!
Brian (uncomfortable): Uh, Peter, this is Brooke, the bachelorette. She's, uh, having dinner with us. I went over with this with you a few minutes ago.
Peter: A-ha-ha-ha-ha!! (shoots milk out of his nose onto Brian)
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 118 votes) - Vote Now!

Quagmire on a date with the Bachelorette, in his mother's trailer. A mangy cat whines.
Quagmire's mom: (shouting off-screen): Glenn, would you feed mittens?
Quagmire: Mittens has food in his bowl!
Quagmires' mom: That's old food!
(cat meows)
Quagmire: Mittens, shut up! Mittens shut up!
Quagmire's Mom: Don't you talk to Mittens that way. Mittens is a member of this family.
Quagmire: Mom if you want this three-way to happen, you're gonna have to change your tone.
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 183 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: (Noticing Chris' pimple): Oh my God! Look at the size of that pimple, you're like a circus freak! (Laughs.) Aw, I'm just kidding, it means you're becoming a man, sweetie.
Peter: Yeah, I remember when I first became a man.
Doctor: The operation was a success. What are you going to go by now?
(Peter looks under his hospital gown)
Peter: Peter...
Quote Rating: 8.1 outta 10 (Over 346 votes) - Vote Now!