General Quotes (41 - 48 out of 257)
Just because it doesn't fit into a specific category doesn't mean that it isn't funny.
Black Knight: You see kids, your father is nothing but a fizzle!
(Peter reappears in armour and on a horse.)
Peter: Nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it! Except for that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran away, he got away with it. But most of the people who call me a fizzle don't get away with it! Actually he was the only guy to ever call me a fizzle, but after today only half the people who have ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it!
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Chris: I don't care what she says, I'm never going back!
Brian: Look you can't run away from your problems Chris. That's what I tried to do. I joined the Peace Corps and a day later I was two continents away.
Chris: Really?
Brian: Yep, but 6,000 miles and all the dope I could smoke still couldn't separate me from my problems. And this was good dope. I mean it was growing everywhere. Oh my God! This one time we got so baked we ended up eating all the food at the food the World Health Organization had airlifted in. Oh man those villagers were so pissed! They tried to chase us, but lemme just say thank God for polio.
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Peter: [writing letter] Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.
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Peter: Hey, What's His Name?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. No Seriously What Is It?
Al Gore: Dick Army
Peter: Phhhhh, ha ha ha ha. Hey Dick, What's Your Wife's Name? Vagina Coastguard?
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Stewie: You know it's awfully dangerous for me to be walking around the mall at my height. I say, let me get on your back.
Brian: Oh for God sake.
Stewie: Strong with the force young Skywalker is.
Brian: God, I don't believe this.
Stewie: That is why you fail.
Quote Rating:
9.0 outta 10 (Over 191 votes)
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(Peter recalling the vaccuum cleaning guy)
Vaccuum guy: We fixed your vaccuum cleaner. It seems the problem was a half-eaten meatball lodged in the vaccuum intake.
Peter: Well did you keep it?
Vaccuum guy (with a puzzled look on his face): Uh...no
Peter: You bastard!
Quote Rating:
9.0 outta 10 (Over 153 votes)
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Mr. Pewterschmidt: Oh my God, he's violating Seabreeze!
Peter: No,no he's just awkwardly positioning himself... oh now he's violating Seabreeze.
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Peter: I'll give you $40 for that coffin.
Store Owner: Sir, this casket is $1,000.
Peter: I'll give you $2,000.
Store Owner: Sir, that's double what it costs.
Peter: $60.
Brian (to the store owner): He doesn't know how to haggle.
Quote Rating:
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