General Quotes (65 - 72 out of 257)
Just because it doesn't fit into a specific category doesn't mean that it isn't funny.
Peter: What are you gonna make me do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy? 'Cause I'm married.
Quote Rating:
8.8 outta 10 (Over 315 votes)
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Stewie: What the deuce?!
Quote Rating:
8.8 outta 10 (Over 102 votes)
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(Lois comes in through door)
Lois: Hi, Boys.
Peter: I didn' have my hand down my pants!
Lois: Hmm...Good for you. I just bought use some new sheets at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Peter: Oh boy, I hope you stayed away from that "beyond" section.
(Cuts to scene where Peter is pushing a shopping cart into a door labeled "BEYOND."
Peter: (Swirling through vortex) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh-- Oh, here are the coffee mugs...
Quote Rating:
8.8 outta 10 (Over 257 votes)
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Lois: Chris, we know what you did.
Chris: You mean that I lied about my age to get into an Indian casino?
Lois: No.
Chris: You mean about the time I had hard gas and pooed myself?
Peter: Close, but no.
Stewie: How is that close?
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 147 votes)
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Joe: So, what can I do for you Peter?
Peter: Well Joe, I need to talk to you about something kind of personal.
Joe: Shoot.
Peter: Well, you know, I took this test and, uh, it sorta turns out that I'm technically mentally retarded. And, um, i just wanted to ask, ya know, how do you deal with it?
Joe: Deal with what?
Peter: You know, with being retarded.
Joe: Peter, I'm not retarded, I'm handicapped.
Peter: Oh, well now your just splitting hairs.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 233 votes)
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Stewie: If your teachers ask about your bruises, what do you tell them?
Chris: (crying): I got hit by a baseball.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 205 votes)
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Stewie: Augh! What the hell do you think you're doing?
Brian: I'm cleaning myself.
Stewie: You were clean fifteen minutes ago, now you're just on vacation.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 755 votes)
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Chris: Hey, dad, look! I covered my back with honey and now the ants are taking me home.
Peter: He does the same thing at home with Velveeta and cockroaches. If you turn the light on really fast they slam him right into the fridge.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 340 votes)
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