Sexual Quotes (9 - 16 out of 64)

Often based on the promiscuity of Quagmire, sexual situations arise often throughout The Family Guy. We're talking about absurd, always hysterical sexual situations.

Future Stewie: That's never happened to me before.
Girlfriend: What, the 8 seconds of sex or the 40 minutes of crying?
Future Stewie: Both
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 87 votes) - Vote Now!

Doctor: Mr. Griffin, you're fine.
Peter: Oh now you're coming on to me?
Lois: Peter, he's not coming on to you, he's telling you you're healthy!
Doctor: Can't it be both?
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 220 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: You see, our son Chris, well...
Peter: Wait, Lois, we have to handle this delicately. Our son....wants....to plow you.
Mrs. Lockheart: Oh, I thought it was something like that.
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 256 votes) - Vote Now!

(Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland are using a radar to listen to what people are saying and they happen to pick up of what Quagmire is thinking to himself.)
Quagmire: God this itches! I wonder who I got it from. Probably that skank that I gave a ride to the gas station. Last time I do someone a favor. Oh God! They heard me! Oh god! I heard me! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 228 votes) - Vote Now!

Cleveland: Quagmire slept with Loretta?
Lois: Oh my God, Cleveland! I am so sorry! I can only imagine what your going through right now.
Cleveland: Its okay.
Brian: It's ok? It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend?
Cleveland: Better that it's Quagmire than someone who she could get a disease from.
Lois: Cleveland, don't you see this is why your wife left you. You don't have enough passion. Sometimes a woman wants to see a man be a man. You gotta push back a little. (Lois starts shaking.) You gotta get a little rough. OH GOD!!!!!! (Pulls down pants and lois bends over.) Peter HIT ME!
Brian: YEEAHH! (Slaps Lois' butt.)
(Awkward silence.)
Brian: So...yeah...
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 97 votes) - Vote Now!

Quagmire: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Midnight Q. Tonight we're gonna enjoy some jazz from Charles Mingus. Norman Maylor's here to read an excerpt from his latest work. And we also have a girl from Omaha hiding a banana. We're gonna find out where. Giggity giggity. Giggity goo. Stick around.
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 322 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 (Over 207 votes) - Vote Now!

Tricia Takanawa: Thank you, Diane.  Sex.  Some people have it anonymously.  What kind of person would do that you might ask? Well, I'm about to find out. I've just picked up a complete stranger in a hotel bar and he's in the bathroom right now,  
possibly doing drugs. Watch as I have sex with this potentially dangerous man, as we take you in-depth and undercover.
(Quagmire walks into the room in his boxers and lays down on the bed.)
Quagmire: I've never had a Spanish chick before!  O-LE!!!
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 (Over 249 votes) - Vote Now!