Sexual Quotes (17 - 24 out of 64)

Often based on the promiscuity of Quagmire, sexual situations arise often throughout The Family Guy. We're talking about absurd, always hysterical sexual situations.

Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice mellons.
Peter: Now listen pal!
Lois: Peter, I'm holding mellons.
Peter: Oh
Man: And her hooters aint bad either.
Peter: Now hold on a second.
Lois: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
Peter: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem .
(pause)
Man: Your wife's hot.
Peter: Alright that's it!
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 461 votes) - Vote Now!

(Peter and Brian are setting up a crib for the expected baby.)
Brian: Insert Rod A into Rod Support B.
Peter: That's what she--
Brian: If you say that's what she said one more time I'm gonna pop you.
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 128 votes) - Vote Now!

Quagmire: "Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side."
Woman (man voice) : "Sure."
Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off! Wait a minute...pre-op or post-op?"
Woman: "Pre-op."
Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off!"
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 323 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: God, all this work keeping people from having sex, now i know how the Catholic church feels!
Quote Rating: 8.9 outta 10 (Over 186 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!
Quote Rating: 8.8 outta 10 (Over 715 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie (To CPR baby): Well, I can't believe we just did that. Hmm, umm...but you know that stuff about spending the day together tomorrow. Umm...I forgot actually I have a thing. But...uhh you know you have my email address so drop me a line and I'll have yours. And uhh...we'll take it from there.
Quote Rating: 8.8 outta 10 (Over 145 votes) - Vote Now!

Gepetto: Whoops, I dropped my glasses. (Bends down, butt facing Pinochio.) Oh, by the way Pinochio, there were some cookies missing from the jar. Uh, did you take them?
Pinochio: No, pa. I didn't.
Gepetto: Are you sure you didn't?
Pinochio: No, pa. I'd never lie to you.
Gepetto: Are you sure? I mean, you could lie to me. And who knows? You may even get away with it.
Quote Rating: 8.8 outta 10 (Over 308 votes) - Vote Now!

[Peter has bought a sexy version of a relationship tape]
Lois: $49.95? Are you sure we can afford this?
Peter: Lois, our relationship can not be measured in nipples and dimes ... nickels and boobs ... money.
[runs off]
Quote Rating: 8.8 outta 10 (Over 487 votes) - Vote Now!