Sexual Quotes (33 - 40 out of 64)

Often based on the promiscuity of Quagmire, sexual situations arise often throughout The Family Guy. We're talking about absurd, always hysterical sexual situations.

Quagmire: Hey Peter, uhh you have a card for if you transfered V.D. to somebody.
Peter: Uhh lets see here...uhh yep, "Sorry I accidentally gave you V.D."
Quagmire: Huh, that's all you have is accidental huh? All right I'll take it.
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 222 votes) - Vote Now!

(Chris jumps on Peter's lap)
Chris: Dad, the scouts are no fun. I just want to draw. Oh, and...
[kisses Peter]
Peter: Son, I am going to stand up, walk out of this room, and we are never to speak of this again.
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 352 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter (running for President of the school board): I'll make sex education fun!
Cartoon character: Vagina junction, what's your function? Eatin' up sperm and spittin out babies!
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 314 votes) - Vote Now!

Quagmire: You must be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire.
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 195 votes) - Vote Now!

Quagmire on a date with the Bachelorette, in his mother's trailer. A mangy cat whines.
Quagmire's mom: (shouting off-screen): Glenn, would you feed mittens?
Quagmire: Mittens has food in his bowl!
Quagmires' mom: That's old food!
(cat meows)
Quagmire: Mittens, shut up! Mittens shut up!
Quagmire's Mom: Don't you talk to Mittens that way. Mittens is a member of this family.
Quagmire: Mom if you want this three-way to happen, you're gonna have to change your tone.
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 183 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter Griffin: We all know that no women anywhere wants to have sex with anyone and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is just bogus.
Lois Griffin: Ah, he is so right on. Women are such teases. That's why I went back to men.
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 77 votes) - Vote Now!

Adult Stewie (after having sex with Fran): Umm...that's never happend before.
Fran: Which part? The eight seconds of sex or the 45 minutes of crying?
Stewie: Uh, I guess both. (Short pause) Do I give you money now?
Fran: Yeah, I'm gonna go.
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 79 votes) - Vote Now!

(Quagmire to girl)
Quagmire: You must be a parking ticket, cuz you got fine written all over you.
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 196 votes) - Vote Now!