Stupidity Quotes (9 - 16 out of 127)

Sometimes, when things make the least sense, when characters make absurd statements, when nothing is logical, the highest levels of humor ensue!

Peter: It's already done. I dropped them all off at Toys for Toddlers last night.
Brian: All? Peter, only only one gift was for charity, the rest were for the family.
Peter: No, the rest were from the family. Weren't they? (Pauses.) Oh crap...since when did they change the meaning of "for" to "from"?
Brian: They had a meeting about it last night.
Peter: Why wasn't I told?
Brian: They sent you a card, but it said "for Peter" on it so you must of thought it was from you, so you didn't...you know, its just easier to call you stupid.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 547 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Are you gonna eat that stapler?
TV Executive: You...can't eat a stapler.
Peter: Wanna split it?
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 342 votes) - Vote Now!

Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 1342 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: (Walks out of the bathroom and wanders into another room. He walks into the room and walks behind the bed. We find out that this is Chris' room.) Hey, you still awake, Lois honey? (Peter lays down into Chris' bed.)
Chris: Dad?
Peter: That's right, I'm your daddy. Shh, Shh, Shh, Shh. Don't talk, Lois, don't talk. Just let me do all the work. Yeah...now feel my warm breath on the nape of your neck. My hands on your big soft boobs...running down your big man-like chest. (Peter jumps up.) Holy crap, It's Chris!! Uhh...Uhh...So, uhh...How ya doin'? You do all your homework?
Chris: (nods his head.)
Peter: Finish all your subjects?
Chris: Yes, sir.
Peter: Good, just uhh, just checkin'. (Backs towards the door.) Have a good night son. (Walks down the hall.)
Peter: You still awake honey?
Stewie: What the deuce?
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 611 votes) - Vote Now!

Pat Sajak: Alright Peter, you’ve made it to the bonus round. Congratulations!
Peter: Thanks Regis.
Pat Sajak: Okay, the category is actor and show, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uhh, ok… Uhhmmm… Z, four, Q (slight pause), another Q, uhhh… a third Q and the batman symbol.
Pat Sajak: OK no help there, umm… 15 seconds if you want to take a shot at it, talk it out.
Peter: Is it Alex Karras in Webster?
Pat Sajak: (slowly) I don’t believe it.
Peter: Oh my god, I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!!
Pat Sajak: OK you have thirteen hundred dollars, why don’t you go ahead and pick out some prizes from our showcase?
Peter (floating through room of prizes): Okay let's see, uhh… oh boy everything looks nice, uhmm… alright I'll take the ceramic dalmatian for six hundred, and uhh… boy that TV looks nice, uhmm.. uhh.. gimme the one free week of maid service, and uhh… I'll take the hat rack, uhhmm… hey how much for that fat guy in the circle, I don’t see a price tag on that.
Announcer voice: That’s you.
Peter: Oh, oh, embarrassing, uhm.. okay well in that case I'll take the rest on a gift certificate.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 171 votes) - Vote Now!

Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 922 votes) - Vote Now!

Brian (at the Quahog county trailer park): You're really going to take back donated presents on Christmas Eve?
Peter: Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air contitioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the floor, so you'll have to compress your body to the size of an ordinary household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 210 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter- Hey Brian! I turned the stairs into a waterslide!
Brian (after Peter falls down and starts screaming): I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 353 votes) - Vote Now!