Stupidity Quotes (25 - 32 out of 127)

Sometimes, when things make the least sense, when characters make absurd statements, when nothing is logical, the highest levels of humor ensue!

Peter: I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 225 votes) - Vote Now!

Police Officer: Hey. That's Against the law. You're coming with me.
Peter: (singing to the tune of U Can't Touch this) Ah ah ah ah. Can't Touch Me/ Can't Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I've got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can't sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister's teat/ Can't touch me/ Can't touch me/
Adam West: What in God's name is he doing?
Peter: Can't touch me.
Cleveland: I believe that's the worm.
Peter: (still singing) Can't touch me/ STOP, Peter time/ I'm a big shot, there's no doubt/ light a fire then pee it out/ Don't like it, kiss my rump/ Just for a minute, let's all do the bump/ Can't touch me/ Yeah, do the Peter Griffin Bump/ Can't touch me/ I'm Presidential Peter/ Interns think I'm hot/ Don't care if you're handicapped, I'll still park in your spot/ I've been around the world/ from Hartford to Back Bay/ It's Peter, Go Peter, I'm so Peter, Yo Peter, Let's see Regis rap this way/ Can't touch me.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 529 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter (drunk and naked at a wine tasting): Hey hey, where the hell is that Peter Griffin? He told me he'd give me a hundred dollars if I took off all my clothes off.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 218 votes) - Vote Now!

Mayor Adam West: I just bought a Rottweiler, and I need a sign to warn people how dangerous it is.
Home Supply clerk (pointing to "BEWARE OF DOG" sign): Well, we have exactly what you--
Mayor Adam West: Ah, yes, here it is: "ONE WAY." So people will know if they step into my yard, there's only one way out--in a body bag from dog injuries.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 168 votes) - Vote Now!

(Adam West is marrying his hand)
Priest: If anyone has any reason as to why this marriage should not take place, speak now or forever hold your peace.
(Adam West's other hand raises up)
Adam West: Shut up, you had your chance!
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 185 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Aww things were going so good for me and Stewie, but now he hates me again. Brian what should I do to win him back?
Brian: That depends. Do you want my advice or are you just asking random questions again?
Peter: What's a hypotenuse?
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 (Over 359 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool ... I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her ... smoking!
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 (Over 447 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: What the hell did you do?
Brian: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at risk.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 (Over 420 votes) - Vote Now!