Stupidity Quotes (41 - 48 out of 127)
Sometimes, when things make the least sense, when characters make absurd statements, when nothing is logical, the highest levels of humor ensue!
Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors?
Mort: Peter, are you eating those?
Peter: No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em!
Quote Rating:
8.9 outta 10 (Over 280 votes)
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Brian: Peter, are you sure? You've never had much luck telling jokes.
(Flash back to Peter in a net surrounded by apes with guns.)
Peter: Okay, Okay. How many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three: One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw faeces at each other. Hehehehehehe.
(Apes cock shotguns.)
Quote Rating:
8.9 outta 10 (Over 555 votes)
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Peter (leaving a message for Mr. Weed): Mr. Weed? This Peter Griffin. I will not be coming to work today, I was in a terrible plane crash. My entire family was killed and I am a vegetable.
Quote Rating:
8.9 outta 10 (Over 182 votes)
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Peter: And Joe, I've had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
Quote Rating:
8.9 outta 10 (Over 464 votes)
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Peter:..Hello Sally, h-hey its Peter Griffen. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah it's been a while..so listen, um, I just found out that Im retarted and um, I'm just calling to let you know that uh, you might want to get yourself tested.
Quote Rating:
8.9 outta 10 (Over 332 votes)
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Head Scout: You've got three days to earn a badge.
Peter: Three days! That's tomorrow! We gotta get going.
Quote Rating:
8.8 outta 10 (Over 266 votes)
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Peter: HOLY CRAP! I'm communticating with nature! Uh, tree, if one of you falls and no one is around to hear you, do you make a noise?
Tree: Oh yeah, Scott fell over last week and hasn't shut up about it since.
Scott the Tree: Oh yeah, go ahead and bitch, but you don't see anyone trying to HELP ME!
Quote Rating:
8.8 outta 10 (Over 500 votes)
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(Peter slowly raises up a comic book into his line of sight while he is driving.)
Peter (to himself): Hehehehehe.....Look at all those hamburgers. You can't eat all those hamburgers, you stupid fella (car veers off the road). Oh geeze! (Peter swerves the car back on the road and then slowly raises up the comic book again). Uh! He's gonna do it! Oh he is SO ridiculous--you hear me, you ridiculous man? (Car crashes into tree.)
Quote Rating:
8.8 outta 10 (Over 187 votes)
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