Toilet Humor Quotes (1 - 8 out of 12)

You are never too old to enjoy fart jokes. Always remember that.

Cleveland: All he needs is another lemon snow cone.
Peter: No thanks, that yellow snow cone you gave me didn't taste like lemon, it tasted more like...oh you guys are asses!
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 353 votes) - Vote Now!

(Peter is trying to potty train Stewie)
Peter: C'mon Stewie, don't you want to pee in the toilet like a big boy?
Stewie: Well, perhaps I could give it the old college try. Would you put your hands there on the toilet seat, it'll help me relax.
Peter: OK. (Slams toilet seat down on Peter's fingers.) AAAHHHHHH!!!!
Stewie: Listen you, I'll use these facilities when I'm DAMN WELL READY!!!! Until then you shall continue to sanitize my crevice and be DAMN GRATFEUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY!!! Starting right . . .hmmp. . . hmmmp. . . . .hmmmmmp well then, not now, BUT SOON! (Walks off.)
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 (Over 268 votes) - Vote Now!

(Peter and Brain are in jail)
Brian: Uh, how was your shower?
Peter: Oh, I tell ya Brian, all the rumors about dropping the soap are true.
Brian: Really?
Peter: Oh yeah, you can't hold onto that thing to save your life. Oh, it was slipping all
over the place. Guys were laughing.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 (Over 535 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you're the only one here to change me. What do you think of that, hmm?
Brian: I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: What?
Brian: I said, I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: You can't be serious. Well, what if I make a fudgie? Well, I just won't. I just won't that's all. I just won't. Blast! I just did.
Quote Rating: 8.7 outta 10 (Over 159 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: At least they don't put their feminine ointments next to the mustard, Lois. That was the worst hot dog I ever ate.
Quote Rating: 8.6 outta 10 (Over 511 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Lois, I cant find my favorite pair of underwear.
Lois: Which one? The one where you ripped hole in it from when you got stuck in that airplane bathroom from when you got the trots?
Peter: No, I'm looking for the pair from when I had to hold it in because it was that extra long Palm Sunday service and I thought blowing gas would offend God so I let it rip in the vestibule after service.
Lois: Top drawer.
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 407 votes) - Vote Now!

Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Peter: Sarah...Is that the one we video taped taking a dump?
Quote Rating: 8.4 outta 10 (Over 221 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: I didn't even fart until I was 30.
(Flash back, Peter hears a farting sound)
Peter: What the hell was that?
Quote Rating: 8.3 outta 10 (Over 494 votes) - Vote Now!