Top Rated Quotes (81 - 88 out of 749)
Lois: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?
Quote Rating:
9.3 outta 10 (Over 363 votes)
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God: Here, let me light that for you, babe.
(Zap with Thunderbolt to the cigarette)
Girl: Hey, thanks!
God: Yep, magic fingers (chuckles).
(Zap with Thunderbolt to the girl incinerating her.)
God: Jesus Christ!
Jesus: What?
God: Get the Escalade! We're outta here!
Quote Rating:
9.3 outta 10 (Over 360 votes)
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Peter (In Asiatown): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy walks away)
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy again walks away)
Peter (to another Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Chris: Nope.
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Jackie Chan: Yes you are.
Quote Rating:
9.3 outta 10 (Over 383 votes)
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Girl: I can't take a credit card sir. I need real money.
Peter: Oh yeah? Watcha sellin'? Meth, ex, crack, dust, coke, block, crystal????? IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD? I DONT THINK SO!!!!
(He breaks lemonade stand.)
Quote Rating:
9.3 outta 10 (Over 242 votes)
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Peter talking to the camera: ...but I'll tell you what's not cool--killing strippers. Strippers are people too; naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain of a VIP room. Besides, there's no reason to kill them, 'cause most of them are already dead inside...Good night, folks!
Quote Rating:
9.3 outta 10 (Over 246 votes)
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Stewie (talking on Sesame Street phone): Put me through to the Pentagon!
Ernie: Do you know what sound a cow makes?
Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie! I've already dispacted Mr. Hooper, I've got 6 armed men stationed out side Big Bird's nest, and well as for Linda, well, its rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assasin approach now, isn't it?!
Ernie: Can you count to three?
Stewie: Oh indeed I can! (Pulls out a raygun.) One! Two! Three! Can I count to three for God's sake?! I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level!
Quote Rating:
9.3 outta 10 (Over 157 votes)
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Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
Camera man: Hey guys, we're still on in Boston.
Quote Rating:
9.3 outta 10 (Over 257 votes)
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Quagmire: Fat chicks need love too...they just have to PAY!
Quote Rating:
9.3 outta 10 (Over 414 votes)
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