Top Rated Quotes (257 - 264 out of 749)
(Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street are seen in a TV show call Homicide: Life on Sesame Street).
(phone rings)
Bert: Hello? (pause for a moment) Son of a bitch, I'm on my way. (Gets up to put some pants on and then starts drinking).
Ernie: I wish you wouldn't drink so much Bert.
Bert: Oh yeah? Well I wish you wouldn't eat all the cookies in the DAMN BED!
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 273 votes)
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Brian: So, uh, where's your good buddy James Woods?
Peter: Eh, turns out he wasn't so good at catching stuff in his mouth. So where's your girlfriend?
Brian: Same problem.
Brian and Peter: Wooooaahh!! (They both laugh)
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 314 votes)
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Venessa -Chris you have to put your parents into a home! Don't you ever want to inherit this Fu**ing house?!?
Chris - Now Venessa, don't swear around Pablo.
Venessa - Oh that little shit's from Guam or something. He probably only speaks Spanish.
Stewie (Pablo) -Hey "Nessa"--a bullet sounds the same in every language so stuff a sock in it cow!
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 132 votes)
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Joe: So, what can I do for you Peter?
Peter: Well Joe, I need to talk to you about something kind of personal.
Joe: Shoot.
Peter: Well, you know, I took this test and, uh, it sorta turns out that I'm technically mentally retarded. And, um, i just wanted to ask, ya know, how do you deal with it?
Joe: Deal with what?
Peter: You know, with being retarded.
Joe: Peter, I'm not retarded, I'm handicapped.
Peter: Oh, well now your just splitting hairs.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 233 votes)
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Death (takes a sip from mug and spits it out): Geeze, what did you make this hot cocoa with, crap?
Lois (sighs): Well if you want me to make it again...
Death: No, no. I'm sorry, It's just that I assumed that you were going to make it with milk, not crap.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 224 votes)
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Stewie: If your teachers ask about your bruises, what do you tell them?
Chris: (crying): I got hit by a baseball.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 205 votes)
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Lois: I'm upset because you never listen to me. This is Atlantic City all over again.
[Lois and Peter at Blackjack table]
Dealer: You've got 20!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter, don't.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: 21!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: That's 30
Peter: Hit me.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 537 votes)
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Peter: Pictures are better than words because some words are big and hard to understand.
Quote Rating:
8.7 outta 10 (Over 142 votes)
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